Cancer can be a devastating diagnosis that affects individuals as well as families, friends, and communities. Based on National Institutes of Health data, approximately 45% of men and 38% of women will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. It is difficult to imagine not being in close proximity to someone with cancer at some point. As a family member, friend, or neighbor of someone with a cancer diagnosis, we can provide support that is meaningful and compassionate. But sometimes it’s hard to know what that looks like.

Prayer and Spiritual Care
Praying for and with someone who is dealing with cancer can be powerful. For the person with cancer, it is encouraging to know that others are praying when you are struggling to find the words. During the seemingly endless process from diagnosis to procedures to healing, prayers for strength, patience, and peace are welcome. Praying with someone in person, over the phone, or even by sending a written prayer is a beautiful way to care for someone’s spiritual health during this stressful time. Share a verse as you pray – something that is special to you or would uplift them – such as Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Understand that while people like to know you’re checking on them, it can be a real burden to respond to every text asking “How are you doing?”. More helpful is something that they don’t need to reply to, such as “Praying for you” or “Missing your beautiful smile”.

Practical Individual Care
A cancer diagnosis can make a person feel very isolated. While sometimes they may be physically isolated, they are often emotionally isolated. When talking with them, practice active listening by simply being there and allowing them to express their fears, frustrations, anger, and hopes without any judgment or needing to fix anything.

Everyday life can feel overwhelming at times for someone with cancer. Regular daily tasks can feel impossible, and may actually be impossible, depending on surgical recovery or other treatments. Offer to help with cooking, cleaning, babysitting, or running errands and be as specific as possible. For instance, you might say “I would like to help you with [task] on [specific day]. Will that work for you?” And if you’re not sure what to do, ask “What could I do to help you right now?” Open-ended “let me know when I can help” offers are almost always ignored because they become just one more thing to try to add to an already overloaded schedule. It is also helpful to offer to go along to appointments if they are alone. A patient, in general, only remembers about 15-20% of what they hear from medical professionals after a serious diagnosis. By taking notes and asking questions, your presence can be a much-needed source of support and comfort.

Church and Community Care
Remember the words of Matthew 25:36: “I was sick and you cared for me.” Supporting someone with cancer is a community effort. Help them work together with their church, neighbors, friends, and family to coordinate meals, appointment transportation, babysitting, or provide gift cards. This provides for some practical needs and demonstrates the love and support of their caregiving community.  

It can be very helpful to connect patients with others who may share their initial diagnosis. You might also recommend support networks and groups if you know of them. Remember though that not everyone will be able to take on another commitment when they are actively dealing with cancer. Don’t push, just inform. Understand that some people need to deal with their diagnosis privately. Allow them to make that decision, especially since so many other decisions are out of their control.

If the person is part of a church, encourage them to contact their church to find additional means of support such as meals, prayer, marriage mentoring (cancer can be tough on a marriage), Stephen Ministers (or pastoral counseling), and support groups. Have them lean into their small group if they have one and allow that group to support and encourage them.

Hopeful and Respectful Care
This is a tricky area, so before you speak, think, and be cautious in your encouragement. It can be very easy to say things like “God only gives you what you can handle” and “He works everything for good” to someone who is battling cancer. God often gives us way more than we can handle without His help. And when someone has a new cancer diagnosis, they don’t want to hear how “good” that is. Allow the person to find the small things for which they can be grateful, but don’t constantly remind them. Share God’s promises while being careful not to make them feel guilty for their fears and frustrations and struggles. Even things like “God is in control” can feel dismissive when every single part of their life feels completely out of control.

Again, tell them you are praying for them and share a Scripture that God brought to your mind that made you think of them. Feel free to tell them a goofy joke or share a silly meme. But be sensitive to their needs and their mood. Some people need to talk to process their feelings while others are very uncomfortable sharing personal information. Follow their lead and acknowledge that their situation is difficult and understand that some days are much harder than others.

A cancer diagnosis can feel overwhelming and isolating. With the support of family, friends, and the church community, it can be a time that allows a person with cancer to see the blessing of the caring, beautiful hands and feet of Jesus all around them as well.