The Epidemic of Loneliness
by Tambra Breyer
In May of 2023, the U. S. Surgeon General issued an advisory titled, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” You read that correctly: the Surgeon General called the level of loneliness and isolation in the United States an epidemic. By definition, an epidemic is “affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time” (Merriam-Webster). How widespread must loneliness be in our culture for it to be considered “disproportionately large?” In a poll conducted of 2,200 adults earlier this year by the American Psychiatric Association, 30% of adults aged 18-34 years reported feeling lonely daily or several times a week. In a much larger survey conducted by Cigna in December of 2021, 54% of adults said they felt no one knew them.
But what exactly is loneliness? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) define loneliness as: “feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging.” Dr. Mark Mayfield defines it as the state of being unseen or unnoticed relationally, emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. In his book The Path Out Of Loneliness, he states, “We are the most connected generation in history, yet we are also the loneliest generation.”
The Effects of Loneliness
While loneliness is a subjective experience, the effects of loneliness are far more concrete. In terms of mental health, there is a correlation between self-reported loneliness and new onset of depression. While loneliness alone may not be the cause, it is frequently a contributing factor. Loneliness and low social support are also associated with an increased risk of suicide ideation and self-harm.
Loneliness has a direct impact on physical health as well. There is robust evidence that people who are well-connected socially live longer. The opposite has also proven to be true: lack of social connection is now considered to be an independent risk factor for death from all causes. In fact, a patient with heart failure who describes themselves as lonely is 68% more likely to be hospitalized. This carries over to other diseases as well. Loneliness increases the risk of type 2 diabetes, the risk of infectious diseases (due to weakened immune responses), and the risk of dementia (by as much as 50%).
It should not be a surprise that loneliness also has an impact on spiritual health. Loneliness often impedes a person’s willingness or ability to engage with a church community, which results in less time in spent prayer and reading Scripture. Less time in community furthers the feeling of loneliness which ultimately becomes a cycle. When this happens, a faithful person can become spiritually dry, a state which St. John of the Cross describes in his writing titled, The Dark Night Of The Soul.
How We Got Here
In Genesis 2:8 we read, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’” When God breathed life into mankind, He knew that it would not be good for a person to be alone. Adam alone could not fully reflect the nature of a triune God. Simply put, we were not designed to “go it alone.” In Genesis 3, we can see that the enemy’s first order of business was to deceive Eve, who then convinced Adam, in order to cause separation between each other and between them and God. God has hardwired us for connection and a favorite tactic of the enemy is to thwart connectedness.
Practically speaking what does that look like today? Corrie Ten Boom once said, “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will make you busy.” Busyness is celebrated in our culture and serves to prioritize tasks over people. We have become fixated with success and success is generally measurable: a certain amount of money in the bank, a position in your company, status in your community, credentials behind your name, even followers on your social media accounts. Yet none of those things will make a person less lonely, and in fact there is evidence to the contrary. Status and things have become prioritized over relationships.
Our reliance on screens has also contributed greatly to our sense of loneliness. While technology itself is neutral, there is often a correlation between screen time and a person’s perception of loneliness. As Erin Davis says in her book Connected, “The reality is that technology is both a cause of our loneliness and a false cure.” The number of social media friends is no substitute for depth of real-life relationships. Becoming truly known on social media requires authenticity and that comes with great risk.
The Path Toward Connectedness
If loneliness has become an epidemic in the United States, the path toward connectedness is still an individual choice that requires individual effort. The first step in that effort is to identify three to five “safe” people in your life: people who you believe truly know you and with whom you can be vulnerable and authentic. If you cannot identify three people, the first step is to consider who could be a safe person with some time and intention and work on that relationship. Make no mistake, this requires courage and humility. As Davis states, “Loneliness fades away when we are willing to live messy lives. True connection is a byproduct of our willingness to be imperfect.”
Master the art of looking up and out. Every time we are looking at a screen, we are missing an opportunity to look at and connect with a person in our proximity. While technology is not the enemy, it is a barrier to connection and facilitates loneliness. By placing limits around screen time, we are better able to see the people in front of us and less influenced by relationship substitutes.
It’s been said that the loneliest place to be is in a room full of people. With holiday gatherings coming up, how can you be sure those gatherings facilitate connectedness rather than loneliness? It can only happen with intention and effort. Define for yourself today what a “successful” holiday season could look like and make that definition more about lives you might impact rather than the things you do. If that definition carries over to 2025, you will be on the path toward connectedness and will perhaps be helping someone else be less lonely as well.
But what exactly is loneliness? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) define loneliness as: “feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging.” Dr. Mark Mayfield defines it as the state of being unseen or unnoticed relationally, emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. In his book The Path Out Of Loneliness, he states, “We are the most connected generation in history, yet we are also the loneliest generation.”
The Effects of Loneliness
While loneliness is a subjective experience, the effects of loneliness are far more concrete. In terms of mental health, there is a correlation between self-reported loneliness and new onset of depression. While loneliness alone may not be the cause, it is frequently a contributing factor. Loneliness and low social support are also associated with an increased risk of suicide ideation and self-harm.
Loneliness has a direct impact on physical health as well. There is robust evidence that people who are well-connected socially live longer. The opposite has also proven to be true: lack of social connection is now considered to be an independent risk factor for death from all causes. In fact, a patient with heart failure who describes themselves as lonely is 68% more likely to be hospitalized. This carries over to other diseases as well. Loneliness increases the risk of type 2 diabetes, the risk of infectious diseases (due to weakened immune responses), and the risk of dementia (by as much as 50%).
It should not be a surprise that loneliness also has an impact on spiritual health. Loneliness often impedes a person’s willingness or ability to engage with a church community, which results in less time in spent prayer and reading Scripture. Less time in community furthers the feeling of loneliness which ultimately becomes a cycle. When this happens, a faithful person can become spiritually dry, a state which St. John of the Cross describes in his writing titled, The Dark Night Of The Soul.
How We Got Here
In Genesis 2:8 we read, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’” When God breathed life into mankind, He knew that it would not be good for a person to be alone. Adam alone could not fully reflect the nature of a triune God. Simply put, we were not designed to “go it alone.” In Genesis 3, we can see that the enemy’s first order of business was to deceive Eve, who then convinced Adam, in order to cause separation between each other and between them and God. God has hardwired us for connection and a favorite tactic of the enemy is to thwart connectedness.
Practically speaking what does that look like today? Corrie Ten Boom once said, “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will make you busy.” Busyness is celebrated in our culture and serves to prioritize tasks over people. We have become fixated with success and success is generally measurable: a certain amount of money in the bank, a position in your company, status in your community, credentials behind your name, even followers on your social media accounts. Yet none of those things will make a person less lonely, and in fact there is evidence to the contrary. Status and things have become prioritized over relationships.
Our reliance on screens has also contributed greatly to our sense of loneliness. While technology itself is neutral, there is often a correlation between screen time and a person’s perception of loneliness. As Erin Davis says in her book Connected, “The reality is that technology is both a cause of our loneliness and a false cure.” The number of social media friends is no substitute for depth of real-life relationships. Becoming truly known on social media requires authenticity and that comes with great risk.
The Path Toward Connectedness
If loneliness has become an epidemic in the United States, the path toward connectedness is still an individual choice that requires individual effort. The first step in that effort is to identify three to five “safe” people in your life: people who you believe truly know you and with whom you can be vulnerable and authentic. If you cannot identify three people, the first step is to consider who could be a safe person with some time and intention and work on that relationship. Make no mistake, this requires courage and humility. As Davis states, “Loneliness fades away when we are willing to live messy lives. True connection is a byproduct of our willingness to be imperfect.”
Master the art of looking up and out. Every time we are looking at a screen, we are missing an opportunity to look at and connect with a person in our proximity. While technology is not the enemy, it is a barrier to connection and facilitates loneliness. By placing limits around screen time, we are better able to see the people in front of us and less influenced by relationship substitutes.
It’s been said that the loneliest place to be is in a room full of people. With holiday gatherings coming up, how can you be sure those gatherings facilitate connectedness rather than loneliness? It can only happen with intention and effort. Define for yourself today what a “successful” holiday season could look like and make that definition more about lives you might impact rather than the things you do. If that definition carries over to 2025, you will be on the path toward connectedness and will perhaps be helping someone else be less lonely as well.