It’s been said that people will invest more in car maintenance than marriage maintenance. To keep both cars and marriages running well without breakdown, it is helpful to have someone “look under the hood.” This is true for general maintenance as well as diagnosing problems. And both require the right tools in the toolbox.

One of the core visions of Southwest Church is to be a place where “families are strengthened”. Strong, resilient, joy-filled families are impossible to achieve without strong marriages. Those of us in a marriage, or preparing for marriage, are keenly aware that this relationship is (or should be) the most important earthly relationship we have. At Southwest, we have a wonderful opportunity to give our marriages some much deserved attention!  A perfect tool to facilitate this focus is Prepare and Enrich (P/E). P/E is a program designed to mentor couples into stronger, healthier, and more satisfying marriages.

P/E has been in use for over 40 years and has helped/strengthened over half a million couples in all phases of marriage, or pre-marriage. Couples are given the opportunity to explore each other’s thoughts and perspectives in a constructive, caring, non-judgmental format. The program is designed for 8-10 weeks of mentoring but is flexible enough to meet couples where they are in their relationship, even if that means meeting for a bit longer.  

How does P/E work?
P/E begins with a research based, strength-orientated assessment that gives couples a comprehensive, personalized view of their relationship. The program’s focus is on understanding, vision, and growth. There are two main components of the program. As mentioned, the first portion is the assessment. Couples will complete their assessments individually, with the first 10-15 questions providing customization for the rest of the report. (e.g. The assessment will not ask about children in the home if you are empty-nesters) The second part involves a mentoring relationship that focuses on the individualized couple’s report. Topics include communication, conflict resolution, closeness, stress management, conflict resolution, and more.

So, what does mentoring look like?
After completing the assessment, the couple is paired with a marriage mentor volunteer couple. This mentor couple has received P/E training and is equipped to come alongside the couple to discuss and provide guidance on a variety of relationship issues. Many times, couples may not have discussed certain core concepts as it relates to their marriage. Having the benefit of dedicated time that is facilitated by a seasoned couple can open new areas of growth and optimism in the marriage. Additionally, some topics can be difficult to bring up and having a supportive couple present can often give couples the added courage to begin a discussion that’s been dormant for way too long. Marriage mentors consider it an honor to be able to come along side couples during some of the most exciting and even challenging times of the couple’s marriage. “Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24

What strength and growth areas are discussed?
The program takes couples through a review of 10 areas of growth and strength that were explored in the assessment. These include communication, conflict resolution, partner style and habits, financial management, leisure activities, affection, etc. Within each area, there are deep-dive questions and activities that mentors and couples will use to guide them to meaningful relationship insights. Be prepared to learn things about your partner that you may have never known!

So, do you have an example?
Glad you asked!  Communication is one of the key elements of a successful marriage. How many of us have truly believed at one time or another that men actually are from Mars and women definitely are from Venus!? Whether you are engaged or have been married since Michael Jackson topped the charts, you and your partner can always benefit from a communication skill checkup! Communication is one of the first topics that will be covered in the P/E setting. It takes intentional effort to communicate our wants, needs, and expectations. And our partner must be willing to actively listen while we are sharing our thoughts. The P/E curriculum does a great job addressing this all-important topic. Here is an example of some “Communication Skills to Increase Intimacy” that you and your partner will have the chance to explore with your mentor couple.

• Give full attention to your partner when talking.  Turn off the phone, shut off the television, make eye contact. YES, YOU!
• Focus on the good qualities in each other and praise each other often.
• Be assertive.  Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs.  A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use “I” rather than “You” statements.  (e.g. “I worry when you don’t let me know you’ll be late” rather than “You are always late”).
• Avoid Criticism.
• If you must criticize, balance it with at least one positive comment.
• Listen to understand, not to judge.
• Use active listening.  Summarize your partner’s comments before sharing your own reactions or feelings.
• Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution.
• Use the Ten Steps approach.  You will need to sign up to find out what this is!!

The homework challenge for this session example is to: have daily complements for your partner, focus on the positives that your partner brings to the relationship, and share these positive thoughts with each other every day. Are you intrigued? We hope so!  There is so much more to this program that a mentor couple would love to explore with you and your partner! This is a key reason that both of you must sign up together.

As a marriage mentor couple, we can share first-hand how fulfilling it has been to get to know and mentor our couple! We are solidly in their corner and consider our meetings a highlight of our week! It is also a blessing for us to be able to pray for them and cheer them on toward a deeper love and commitment to each other. We highly recommend P/E and encourage you to take the next step and reach out to Tambra Breyer, the Southwest Care Minister, for more information. There is a mentor couple waiting to meet you both!!

Source: Prepare and Enrich resource materials and https://www.prepare-enrich.com/